My life as a mom of three

I suppose we go through different seasons of life and different identities for each season. When I was growing up I was "Joe Sannutti's daughter". Everyone knows my daddy and my identity was Joe's daughter. As I grew I developed my own relationships and became Jessi. Once married I took on the identity of "wife of Matt Butler". This was a fun new season that I welcomed with open arms. My most exciting season began in October 2005 when I became mommy. I am so blessed to be able to experience this identity. I took for granted that I would be a mother. I never once thought, What if I can't have/carry a baby? Thankfully I had no trouble conceiving my precious babies. If you've read my other posts you know that in 2014 I suffered a miscarriage that opened my eyes to the intense grief of loss. I already had two healthy children, but losing that baby was so horrible. It made me have a new compassion for women struggling with infertility. I had foolishly never realized how much it must hurt to want a baby so bad but for whatever reason not be able to have one. God gave me my rainbow baby in the fall of 2015 and I entered the newest season of my life - mom of three and also the new title of boymom. Don't get me wrong - I have the coolest daughters that ever walked the planet. I love them with every fiber of my being and I'm so glad God gave them both to me. I'm also glad I had them first. They're so much fun and bring so much joy to my life. But something was always missing - I had a deep desire to experience being the mommy of a little boy. I can't wait to experience the special bond between a mother and her son! As I write this, Maxon is not quite 6 months old but he is already a mama's boy 😉 

I feel like I screw up every day. I get too frustrated with my kids, I get irritated with Matt, I get mad at myself for not living up to the expectations put out there by society. I feel like I don't measure up. Sometimes my mom guilt is so intense at night that I just want to wake up my girls and hug them. This is all just a part of life and something I have to deal with in this season. There will come a day when I've raised my children and a new season will begin. I'm going to enjoy every second of this roller coaster ride that I can! There's the saying, The days are long but the years are short. This could not be more true. I hope that when my children are grown they will look back and see just how much their mama has always loved them. I hope they see past all of my shortcomings and imperfections and remember the good times. They're my heartbeat and I am so very thankful for my precious family.