Naming my baby bean

Ever since losing my precious baby bean I've wondered if my love was a boy or girl. I miscarried too early to tell but I needed to know so I could name him/her and be able to refer to the correct gender. Now I'll never know the gender until I get to Heaven, but I've decided that I'm going to name my baby a gender neutral name. I think that someone who has lost a baby that they'd prayed for and were so excited to have will understand why I need to do this. 

A friend of mine was pregnant with twins and found out a little over a week ago that she lost one. I private messaged and asked if she was able to find out the gender and told her my reasons I wish I could have and she said no, but she really wanted to find out. She was able to do an at-home kit and just found out hers is a girl. She is in the process of finding the perfect name for her now. 

Today I started thinking of gender neutral names that "fit" with our family and I know for sure that the middle name will be Lee, after my mama. I've thought of several first names but none really fit. The name I'm leaning towards the most is Maddox or Mattox. We had that name picked out for a boy when I was pregnant with Mattilyn, but I now know a baby girl named this so I see how it can work both ways. So for now, my baby in Heaven is named Maddox Lee Butler. At this time this name seems more masculine and less gender neutral than I wanted, but it's a name that I could see us using and it's important that my baby has that. 

In the off chance someone actually looks at my blog, thanks for reading my rambling post. 

God bless! 

Be intentional

Okay, so this may come out as a jumbled up mess, but I'm going to do my best to put into words the way I feel and the morning I had. It all started with a dream which is going to be the toughest for me to try to explain. In my dream there was a group of people at a large house with a pool and it was right across from the beach. I'd left the girls outside with a group of kids and told the girls not to go to the beach. I was inside with the other adults when some of the other kids came running in to tell me that all three of my kids were at the beach. I went running outside and across to the beach and the whole place was PACKED with people. I was screaming the girls' names and crying. I was so afraid someone had taken them or they'd gotten lost. After several times of screaming for them, Mattilyn popped her over the back of a beach chair. I rushed to them and grabbed my baby boy (8 months old)  and just kept crying, so thankful they were all okay. I told them to come with me, we had to talk. When we got back to the house I told the other kids not to come with us and I took my kids to a room to talk. 

Anyone that knows my oldest daughter knows that at this point (if it were real life) she would be crying, but in my dream she was very nonchalant about the whole thing. She wasn't disrespectful or anything, she just didn't see the problem with her disobedience. I explained to her how serious it was and how someone could've taken them and how if the other kids had not told me where they'd gone, I might not have found them. The dream was incredibly realistic and my emotions were intense. I felt like I'd failed my kids and it was all very overwhelming. I know that I can't convey on a blog the intensity of the dream, but it was like I knew that the outcome could've been much worse had I not been told what they'd done. 

When I woke up I just wanted to hold my babies and do better by them. I've been dealing lately with feelings of failure and like I'm not enough. My oldest is ten now and it's hard for me a lot of times to treat her the way I treat my 6 year old or 8 month old, especially since my baby demands so much attention. But this morning when I woke up, I decided I needed to be intentional about the way I treat my children. Like most mornings my 6 year old climbed in my bed when she woke up and I started telling her how much I loved her (she's a snuggler so I hug her pretty often). I got up and went to the kitchen and started cleaning our new fridge and I heard my oldest stirring. I went to her bed and she was still asleep but I sat beside her, leaned over, and kissed her on her ear, then I went back to do my work in the kitchen. Maybe ten minutes later she got up and came into the kitchen and gave me a hug as I walking to talk to my husband. When I came back to her she said, "it's been a long time since I hugged you". I told her I sure missed her hugs. 

Fast forward a couple hours and I she brought me a letter. I'm going to type it out exactly how she wrote it: "Party Invetation  Dear,Mommy, you are invited to a party exspecialy for you. It will be at 12:00-1:00. Lunch will be served at the party. P.s. The reason we are having this party is to show you how much we appriciate you." The girls decorated for a party, put up a party game, and collected some presents for me from our gift cabinet, complete in bags with tissue paper. My oldest told me that she got the idea this morning when I came in her room and kissed her on the ear. My heart is so full! 

I feel like God sent that dream to me to remind me to be intentional with my kids. I'm a sleep-deprived mess most days and I feel like I'm barely getting by, but that doesn't mean that I can't make sure to remind my kids how special and important they are. I felt like it was important for me to write this down even though no one reads my blog but me, so that I can come back and read and remember this day again and again. Did our whole day go as magical as our morning? Nope. The baby fought his nap, the girls fussed and fought, I didn't accomplish near as much as I wanted to around the house. That's life. But I had a magical morning and I'm going to try my best to start both girls out in the morning with big hugs and kisses and more reasons why I love them so much. 

My life as a mom of three

I suppose we go through different seasons of life and different identities for each season. When I was growing up I was "Joe Sannutti's daughter". Everyone knows my daddy and my identity was Joe's daughter. As I grew I developed my own relationships and became Jessi. Once married I took on the identity of "wife of Matt Butler". This was a fun new season that I welcomed with open arms. My most exciting season began in October 2005 when I became mommy. I am so blessed to be able to experience this identity. I took for granted that I would be a mother. I never once thought, What if I can't have/carry a baby? Thankfully I had no trouble conceiving my precious babies. If you've read my other posts you know that in 2014 I suffered a miscarriage that opened my eyes to the intense grief of loss. I already had two healthy children, but losing that baby was so horrible. It made me have a new compassion for women struggling with infertility. I had foolishly never realized how much it must hurt to want a baby so bad but for whatever reason not be able to have one. God gave me my rainbow baby in the fall of 2015 and I entered the newest season of my life - mom of three and also the new title of boymom. Don't get me wrong - I have the coolest daughters that ever walked the planet. I love them with every fiber of my being and I'm so glad God gave them both to me. I'm also glad I had them first. They're so much fun and bring so much joy to my life. But something was always missing - I had a deep desire to experience being the mommy of a little boy. I can't wait to experience the special bond between a mother and her son! As I write this, Maxon is not quite 6 months old but he is already a mama's boy 😉 

I feel like I screw up every day. I get too frustrated with my kids, I get irritated with Matt, I get mad at myself for not living up to the expectations put out there by society. I feel like I don't measure up. Sometimes my mom guilt is so intense at night that I just want to wake up my girls and hug them. This is all just a part of life and something I have to deal with in this season. There will come a day when I've raised my children and a new season will begin. I'm going to enjoy every second of this roller coaster ride that I can! There's the saying, The days are long but the years are short. This could not be more true. I hope that when my children are grown they will look back and see just how much their mama has always loved them. I hope they see past all of my shortcomings and imperfections and remember the good times. They're my heartbeat and I am so very thankful for my precious family. 

Valentine's Day 2016

Today has been a great day. Heck, this past year has been pretty awesome. Last Valentine's Day I was hoping beyond hope that I was pregnant. I was scared to get excited because of the miscarriage, but I had a feeling I just might be pregnant again. I decided I would take a test the next morning, my birthday. We were staying in Savannah, so the next day we went to the mall and I took a test in with me. I couldn't believe when the lines showed up that I was pregnant again!!! I was so excited I couldn't stand it but Matt and I agreed we wouldn't share the news publicly until we were further along. Losing our baby 3 months prior had been so horrible and we were both scared to get too excited. 

Like I said in an earlier post, I'm so mad at myself for not documenting the pregnancy. I will try to remember things but now that my precious boy is here, the pregnancy woes are mostly forgotten. 

I will say that the first trimester was torture. I stayed so sick and I had zero energy. It was hard to get through the day, yet impossible to get a lot of rest because of other obligations, like moming and adulting. I felt like the first trimester would never end and I would never make it to 16 weeks to find out the gender! 

We went all out and had a fun gender reveal party. I was sure it was another girl, but at the same time sure it would be a boy this time. Basically I had no clue. When I cut into that cake and saw blue all I could do was cry! I would've been so in love with a third girl, of course, but I had always wanted a son. I couldn't wait to experience the bond between a mother and her boy. 

The second trimester went by much too quickly and before I knew it I was into the last stretch. Of course the last few months were rough because I couldn't breathe or tie my shoes or shave my legs, but in no time at all it was October and time for my little man to arrive. He was due on Oct 21 but both girls were early so we weren't sure when to expect him. Matt had to travel for work the last week of September and the first week of October. We were so scared he might be out of town when baby boy decided to come! Thankfully I carried Maxon to 39 weeks and he was born on October 14. 

I've been blessed to have good labors and deliveries. They're no walk in the park, but the labors are quick and I've recovered well from all three. I'm so very thankful for this! 

The rough part came when Maxon was one day old when I started dealing with some baby blues but I think I'll save all that for another blog. Maxon has just woken up fussy and I'm going to nurse him back to sleep. Will post more when I have the chance! 

Catching up

This will be a quick post and I will try to write more soon. When I was pregnant in the fall of 2014 I wanted to record every moment of it. I had plans of "doing better" as far as keeping up with everything. Then I miscarried. The grief was overwhelming. I'm thankful that I recorded my story but I lost my desire to keep up with all that was happening apart from that. 

Fast forward a few months and I found out on my birthday 2015 that I was pregnant again. I was terrified of losing another baby. I didn't blog about my pregnancy and I really regret that. I gave birth to a perfect baby boy in October 2015 and as I type this I am snuggled up with him. 

I will try to blog very soon and fill in a bunch of gaps of what has happened in the year since I last blogged. I at least wanted to write a little in case I allow life to distract me further from blogging. 

Talking about Heaven with a 4 year old

Mattilyn and have had discussions before about Heaven and how perfect it will be. This morning the subject was brought up again and we were talking about how once we are there we will never die or get sick or hurt. She said she can't wait to get there and meet the other kids. She kept saying how she was ready to go and I told her that we needed to stay on earth as long as we are supposed to and we will go to Heaven when it is time. I told her that we needed to pray about our time on earth. I told her I didn't want her going to Heaven without me because I want her here on earth.
She looked at me with her big brown eyes wide open and said, "Mama, if you go to Heaven before me..." (pause for effect and for me to think she will say how lost she would be without me), "I will still have my daddy... and your jewelry". She looked down at my phone and in just as serious a voice and with eyes still big she said, "And mama, if you go to Heaven before me can I have your phone?"

Sad news about baby bean - WARNING - may be graphic

    This is such a difficult blog to write and honestly one that I never dreamed I would have to write. The past few weeks have been a blur but I feel that writing this out will help with my healing.
My first appointment for baby bean was on September 23rd. According to my calculations I figured I was almost 8 weeks. When my doctor did the ultrasound however, he looked worried. He told me that there was no way I was 8 weeks. Either my weeks were off or something was wrong with my baby.
    I began praying like crazy for my baby and I asked so many friends to pray with me. My doctor wanted to see me the next week and he said if all was well my baby would have doubled in size and we would hear a heartbeat. My hubby was supposed to be at a men's retreat on the Friday of my appointment but he stayed home so that he could be with me. I tried to assure him that it would be okay so he should go on for the weekend but he told me he was where he needed to be. I am so thankful now that he chose to stay home that weekend. On October 3rd I went for the ultrasound and even though I had prayed so hard and had  spoken nothing but life over my baby, I received the devastating news that my baby was gone. Not only was there no heartbeat, but there was no longer a baby. My doctor explained that my body was absorbing the baby and I was experiencing a missed miscarriage. My baby was gone but my body still thought it was pregnant so instead of having signs of a miscarriage I was continuously having pregnancy symptoms. I made it until the doctor left the room before I lost control. I had cried as soon as he told me the news but I didn't really sob until he left the room. I couldn't believe that I had really lost my baby. I have two beautiful healthy daughters and I just never thought I would experience this. I was surprised how bad this hurt.
    When my doctor came back into the room he talked about my options. I could have a D&C (surgery to remove the tissue and sac), allow my body to miscarry naturally (which could take days, weeks, or months), or try a pill called cytotec that should cause my body to miscarry. I chose to try the pills so he sent me home with a prescription. The next morning, Saturday Oct 4th, I started the pills. This was incredibly emotional. It felt so final, like I was terminating my pregnancy even though I knew that wasn't the case. We arranged for our girls to be with a family member so they wouldn't be around as I miscarried. We prepared as well we knew how and waited. And waited and waited and waited. Absolutely nothing happened. Talk about an emotional blow. I needed so bad for the physical part to be over so I could begin to heal emotionally. I had another ultrasound appt scheduled for the next Monday so I went in and explained that nothing had happened with the pills. My doctor asked if I would like to try once more. If they didn't work the second time we would schedule a D&C. I agreed and we left with another script for cytotec.
    I started the second round of cytotec on Oct 6th and prepared for the miscarriage. Just like the first time, absolutely nothing happened. Not a single cramp or spot of blood. The emotional toll this time was even worse. I felt that my body continued to betray me. Not only had I lost my baby, but now my body was hanging on to a pregnancy that was not viable. I struggled with my emotions and if not for prayer and my faith in God I believe I may have fallen into depression. I was scheduled to leave for a ladies retreat on Thursday Oct 9th. I knew that was where I needed to be, miscarriage or not. My next appointment with my doctor was scheduled for Oct 15th where we would discuss where to go from here. I attended the ladies retreat and had an awesome time. I laughed a ton, received so many hugs and prayers, and cried a whole lot. I believe I experienced a good deal of healing.
On Wednesday, Oct 15th (yesterday), I went to my doctor for another ultrasound and to schedule the surgery. My doctor did the ultrasound and told me that it looked like blood clots were surrounding the sac. We scheduled the D&C for Monday Oct 20th and he told me that if I wanted to try cytotec a third time, although he does not usually recommend that, he felt that I would be okay to try. He said it would not harm me to try it again so I told him that I would keep my surgery date but I would also like to try the cytotec. I came straight home from the doctor and began the cytotec around 5pm. By around 11pm I was experiencing bleeding but not too heavy. I woke up around 4am and I was bleeding very heavily and had some cramping. This lasted and got worse and worse until around 11am. Around this time the cramping and bleeding began to subside and I started to feel better. Between the hours of 6-11 though I was afraid I might be losing way too much blood. I had no idea what to expect and I was actually not as prepared as I thought I was. I ended up having to throw away more than one set of clothes and a towel (I apologize for the TMI). The saying that this too shall pass is true though. Physically I feel great now, other than a strange emptiness I feel now that my body is emptied of my baby. I know and understand that my baby has been in Heaven for several weeks now so I can't really explain the emptiness. I am so glad that my body has gone through this physical part though.
    I know that I will never "get over" this and I am okay with that. I lost my baby. I lost a child. I never heard the heartbeat or got to feel my baby move, but I was already madly in love with this little one. When I get really sad I just picture Jesus holding my baby. I lost my grandfather and my husband's grandfather in the past 4 months. I love to think of them taking turns rocking my baby in Heaven <3
    I go back to my doctor at 9:30 tomorrow morning, Oct 17th, for another ultrasound. If my body has completely miscarried and there is nothing left, I can cancel the surgery. I will try to update once I know for sure.
    I know that God works all things out for my good, so we will see what happens from here. I do know that I gained a huge compassion for anyone dealing with this type of loss and I will now be able to share my story with others and hopefully offer words of hope to someone else.

*Update: 10/18/14 - I went for my ultrasound yesterday and I didn't get the news I hoped for. Although my body passed a lot on Thursday, it apparently didn't pass everything, including the sac. My doctor asked if I would rather keep the surgery, or since so much had passed and only a little remained, would I like to try another medicine, Methergine, to see if my body would finish this on its own. I chose to try the new medicine which I am taking 4 times a day for 3 days. I started yesterday at lunch and took 3 total yesterday. I have taken all 4 today, since it is 9pm on Saturday. I still have 5 total pills to go and I am feeling discouraged. After taking the pill at lunch today I experienced some cramping and passed some tissue and blood, but nothing like I did on Thursday. I am just scared that after everything I have been through over the past few weeks, I am still going to have to have surgery to finish getting everything out. :( This is so emotionally taxing and I wish it was over. My hubby says that maybe I passed everything earlier today, but I definitely don't want to get my hopes up. All I can do is continue taking the meds and pray that everything has passed when I go back to my doctor on Monday. I will update more as it happens.

**Update: 10/20/14 - I went for another ultrasound this afternoon and it turns out that my body still did not fully miscarry so we scheduled a D & C for this coming Thursday, the 23rd. This whole process has been so emotionally draining and frustrating, but I keep telling myself that this should all be over in just a few more days. I think the worst thing is that I have put my body through so much with three rounds of cytotec and then the methergine and it seems it was all for nothing. I still have to have surgery after all. But to tell the truth I am really okay with this. I am glad that my body can begin to heal physically and move on from this. I am still really in shock that this even happened. It never crossed my mind that I might have a miscarriage. Now I am afraid that if/when I get pregnant again I am going to turn into a paranoid pregnant woman scared to do anything. With my previous pregnancies however, I wasn't nervous or scared at all. Anyway, now I am just rambling. I will do another update after the surgery.

Update 11/2/14: Oops! I didn't mean to wait so long to update but I got so busy with my daughter's birthday then Halloween. So, my surgery was scheduled for Thursday, October 23, and I was supposed to be at the hospital at 6:30am. On Wednesday the 22nd I was at work and I had bought an adorable pumpkin dress for my 4 year old that needed a bow to match. Around 3:30pm I was walking out of work to go find a bow and when I got to my van I felt a familiar sensation. I ran to the bathroom and I was indeed passing lots of blood and tissue. I work with my parents so I yelled at my mama that something was happening and I had to leave. By the time I got home my body was fully miscarrying. I called my Doctor's office and explained the situation and told them that I didn't want to show up for surgery if this was finally it. I live close to an hour from my doctor and by then it was close to 4 so I explained that I needed to know quickly if I needed to head towards the office. After still not hearing back from them I decided to call back. The girl put me on hold and while on hold I got a beep from their office and it was my doctor. I explained it all to him and he asked if we could be there by 5:15 (by this time it was about 4:15 or so). We left within 10 minutes and made it to his office at 5:10. Once back there, the doctor did another ultrasound and told us that it looked like there was one piece of tissue in the cervix so he did a procedure in office (ow!) and removed that and told me that he was now 95% sure this is finally over. He laughed and told me I was cutting it down to the wire with this! I go back to see him on Friday, Nov 7, to make sure all is well and my body is healing as it should.

Update 11/24/14: I feel like this ordeal is never going to be over, but I know that it really will be one of these days. I can't believe just how long things really are stretching out. When I went to the doctor on Nov 7th, he checked and there is still a 1/2" piece of tissue left. Because I had not had a period since July he wanted to see if my body would pass that one last piece on it's own so he scheduled me for another visit on December 16th to see if everything is gone. At this visit he will do something called a saline sonogram. I am praying AGAIN that this will truly be over when I go back. If not then he is going to schedule a D & C after all for probably January. Once again, I will update when I know more. Praying diligently that my next post on here will be that this ordeal is officially over!!

Update 12/31/14: Oops! I did not mean to take so long to update. I went to my doctor for the saline sonogram on December 11th or 12th and I finally received GOOD NEWS!!!! My body has completely healed from the miscarriage and is getting back to normal <3 Praise The Lord!! 

Baby Bean on the Way!

We have exciting news in our house of no dull moments!! I am expecting my third child and we are one happy family. I figure I will be 6 weeks tomorrow, but I go to the doctor on the 23rd of this month for my first official visit and I will find out how far along I am a bit more accurately. My due date according to my calculations is May 6, 2015.
I am still dealing with a ton of emotions right now - I am so super excited about this new life growing inside me, I am a bit scared about Matt and me being outnumbered by children now, I am emotional from the rush of hormones raging through my system, I am completely and utterly exhausted because I am in my first trimester... You get the picture.
Anyway, I would like to do a lot of things this time that I only wish I had done with the previous two pregnancies. One thing I would like to do is keep a pregnancy journal which I may just do on this blog. I would also like to take more pregnancy photos this time, especially family photos featuring my pregnancy. More than likely this will be my last pregnancy and at the moment that makes me a little sad, but I am pretty sure if you ask me in about 7 months I will be ecstatic about this being "it" for me! ;) I know that pregnancy and child-rearing can be rough, but I absolutely adore both. I enjoyed my pregnancies before, aside from the "morning" sickness lasting several months and all of the aches and pains that come along with carrying a child.
According to one pregnancy app on my phone, my Baby Bean, as I so lovingly refer to my new child, is the size of an orange seed - talk about tiny!! I think one of the most fun (funnest?) things about this particular pregnancy is sharing it with my daughters. Jessalyn will be nine next month and Mattilyn is 4 and they both love to hear updates on the baby. I think they will really trip out when I bring home the first sonogram pictures. Both girls are hoping and praying for a baby brother, and of course I would love to add a baby boy to family, but I assured Jessalyn that if this baby happens to be another sister for her she will fall in love with the baby so quickly she will never remember hoping for a brother.
My silly 4 year old cracks us up every single day with her "Mattilynisms" and I actually thought to write a couple down that she has said since finding out she will be a big sister - something that she is STOKED about! Anyway, we told the girls about the baby along with everyone else this past Sunday, September 7, 2014, Grandparent's Day. Mattilyn informed me later that day that if this baby is a girl she would like to name her Annalise or Lily (Annalise is her American Girl's name and she just loves the name Lily). However, if this baby is a boy she wants his name to be Georgia Bulldogs or Love Georgia Bulldogs.
Last night I had loaded both girls up and we went to town to grab some supper. I was in line at a drive-thru and Mattilyn, in the backseat, prayed, "God, please make it a boy if it's a girl. And if it's not a girl please leave it like it is!"
Now that I have written my first post of this pregnancy, I really must get up and go to work. I am honestly so tired right now that I could just go to bed and it is 9:07 am. I must go to work, so I will leave you for now. I will try to be better about posting more often.

The greatest job in the world

Being a mom is tough. I'm not only talking about midnight feedings and emergency room visits and rushing from cheer practice to football games to the grocery store and back. For some reason becoming a mom usually brings along something known as Mom Guilt.
I inherited a huge dose of this and I am trying to muddle through and find a way out. We tend to feel guilty about things we have no control over. When we work full time we feel guilty for spending so much time away from the kids, when we stay at home we feel guilty for not being perfect. Am I ruining my kids? Are they going to grow up and hate their mom and regret their lousy childhood? Why can't I afford to buy my kids the newest best stuff? Maybe if I sacrificed a little more of myself I could make life better for my kids.
ENOUGH!
When God created us He created a beautiful thing. He graced mothers with compassion, love, understanding, strength, and the ability to raise her children so that they will rise and call her blessed.
There are times when I want to throw in the towel. I feel like a complete failure and like my girls will suffer because I'm their mother. My stress levels feel like they reach the danger zone and I need a mommy time-out. Say I take a couple hours to myself... know what comes along? Mom guilt. A dash of guilt for taking time to myself but also a dash of sanity. God created mothers to be incredibly strong but we are still human and need a tiny break sometimes. Usually after a small break I miss my girls so terribly that I just want to run back to them and hold them and rock them.
I guess I have said all of this to say this: Being a mom is tough. Yes, that has been established. Being a mom is worth it and in my opinion, the greatest job in the world. Children receive one childhood and as a mom it is my job to ensure mine have a healthy and happy one. I thank God for giving me two of his angels to raise in Him.
One thing to keep in mind - if you love your children, you are great mom! Maybe you don't have much money and can't buy them new things - You are a GREAT mother. Maybe you work two jobs and stay gone until time to put your children to bed - You are a GREAT mother. Maybe you stay home and feel like the majority of your day is scrubbing floors and walls and building pillow forts - You are a GREAT mother. Maybe you are a single mom doing your best to stay afloat - You are a GREAT mother. Maybe your kids are grown and you feel like you don't have a big influence on them anymore - You do and you are a GREAT mother. As moms we need to stick together. We need encouragement and reminders that we are enough. I think you are doing a great job!
I am going to finish this blog now since I have a four year old begging for some mommy time!!

Kids say the darndest things

So, being a mommy is THE BEST thing ever. A close second? Being an aunt to some of the coolest nieces and nephews on the planet. I love them all so much and I am thankful that my girls are growing up with great family! I grew up with some awesome cousins and I'm happy that God has blessed me with who He has.

Now, my kids say and do some of the funniest things, and there are times when I receive a text from my brother or one of my sisters-in-law that has me in stitches over something one of their kids says or does. That being said, I received this text last week from my brother about my 3 year old niece that watched him change my 2 year old nephew's diaper (My 7 year old, Jessalyn, was there also):
Joey says: Changing Tucker's diaper, Preslee walked over and said, "Is that a long tootie? I want to have a long tootie! Jessalyn, Tucker has a long tootie, do you want to have a long tootie?" Jessalyn said, "Preslee sit down."
We all got a good long laugh out of this text and Joey told us that Preslee was dead serious as she was saying this. Two days ago, my brother's wife Cassey wrote me to say:
Preslee: "Why don't I have a long tootie?" Cassey: "That's the way God made your tootie." Preslee: "I don't want God to make it. I wanted to Jesus to make it and I wanted it long!"
They are taking their two girls to Disney World next week and I told Joey that Preslee was going to be so excited! He said, Yeah, maybe it will take her mind off having a long tootie. LOL

Surveys :)

So, one of the cutest things that I am glad I started so many years ago is asking my girls the same survey every couple years. I first asked Jessalyn when she was 3 years, 5 months old. I just asked Mattilyn her first survey and coincidentally enough she is 3 years 5 months old! This makes me very happy :D
I am going to try to post both surveys on here so everyone can enjoy these as much as I do. The second survey I asked Jessalyn was just before she turned 6, so now that she is almost 8 it is time to ask her again. These just really make this mommy smile!
Since I don't see how to attach a word document, I will copy and paste the whole survey for each girl at age 3 as well as the one from when Jessalyn was almost 6. This might get a tad long, but to me it's worth it :)

Jessalyn Rose Butler - 3/12/09 – 3 years old

1. What is something mom always says to you?
be sweet

2. What makes mom happy?
me!

3. What makes mom sad?
i'm bein uggy

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
tickle me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
like me

6. How old is your mom?
(she stretched her arms out and said that old)

7. How tall is your mom?
(this time she stood on one foot and stretched tall and said this big)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
play with me

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
work

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
me

11. What is your mom really good at?
me

12. What is your mom not very good at?
whippin my tail (i'm not even joking, this is what she said)

13. What does your mom do for a job?
write

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
broccoli (i thought for sure she would say mexican)

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
cause you hug me

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
mickey mouse

17. What do you and your mom do together?
play hide and seek

18. How are you and your mom the same?
cause we different. cause we do want to be the same and we are the same.

19. How are you and your mom different?
cause that's how God made us (i LOVE this kid!)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
i'm gonna miss my movie. i'm not saying until you let me have smiley faces (her candy)... yeah, i bribed her to answer these questions....

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
when he bes sweet

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
the mall (wow, she DOES know me!)

Mattilyn Iris Butler – 8/8/13 – 3 years old

1. What is something mom always says to you?
I’m three

2. What makes mom happy?
from me not telling bad words

3. What makes mom sad?
when I say bad words

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
tickle me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
me

6. How old is your mom?
uh, 4

7. How tall is your mom?
(stretched her hand up) this tall

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
paint

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
go to field trips

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
me

11. What is your mom really good at?
taking sissy to school

12. What is your mom not very good at?
taking me to school

13. What does your mom do for a job?
making tags

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
taco

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
tickling her

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Dora

17. What do you and your mom do together?
we go to field trips (vacation)

18. How are you and your mom the same?
singing the ABCs

19. How are you and your mom different?
I have curly hair

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
say she loves me

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
tickling him

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
wet ‘n wild

Jessalyn Rose Butler – 9/17/11 – 5 (almost 6) years old

1.       What is something mom always says to you?
Wash your hands before you eat.

2. What makes mom happy?
When I laugh.

3. What makes mom sad?
When I be mean.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Tickling me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Just like me

6. How old is your mom?
I don’t know… 47?

7. How tall is your mom?
Tall as that chair over there (and she pointed)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Go shopping… Spend time with me!!!

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Clean up the house

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
umm…. Her children

11. What is your mom really good at?
Making art with her first daughter

12. What is your mom not very good at?
umm… making, like, stuff out of wood and stuff…

13. What does your mom do for a job?
She works at a shop with her daddy

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
coconut

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
That she loves me very much

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
ummm… umm…. I have NO idea… uhhh….. a judge on cupcake wars

17. What do you and your mom do together?3322
We make art together

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We both like to do art and we are both good at it. And we can both do it really fast.

19. How are you and your mom different?
We have different colored hair

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
She tells me, she kisses me, she hugs me

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
That he’s sweet

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Shopping 

Jessalyn Rose Butler – 8/8/13 – 7 years old

1.    .  What is something mom always says to you?
she loves me

2.       What makes mom happy?
When I be good and listen to her

3.       What makes mom sad?
When I don’t listen to her or be good

4.       How does your mom make you laugh?

When she acts silly and tells jokes

5.       What was your mom like as a child?

She was a lot like me. She loved art and she loved racing

6.       How old is your mom?

30

7. How tall is your mom?
            6 ft

8.  What is her favorite thing to do?
     spend time with her girls.. and daddy

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
     work

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
      being the best mama in the world

11. What is your mom really good at?
       racing?

12. What is your mom not very good at?
      uhhh…. Very good at adding… umm.. I don’t know anything you’re not good at (I LOVE her!)

13. What does your mom do for a job?
      she makes car tags  and she works at a Christian store

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
    Mexican

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
      cuz she loves me

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
      Arthur’s mom because she is really nice

17. What do you and your mom do together?
       go on “Jessi trips”

18. How are you and your mom the same?
       We are the same because we both like art and we both like racing

19. How are you and your mom different?
      cuz we’re different people. That’s all I can say.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?....
      Cause she kisses me and hugs me a lot

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
       Cause he’s nice and he’s a good daddy

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
       to her house

Get in my belly!!

My sister-in-law and I found out we were pregnant with our second children around the same time. We told my parents together and went through 9 (technically 10) months of pregnancy together. At my baby shower we took a picture together with 3 of my friends who were also pregnant. You can tell in the picture that I carried my daughter very high and Cassey carried her daughter very low. This past week Cassey sent me the picture from my shower so I could see how differently we carried our girls.
My now 3 year old daughter was looking at pictures on my phone this evening and she came across this picture. I asked her who was in my belly and she responded that she didn't know, so I told her it was her. I then asked her who was in Aunt Cassey's belly and she said she did not know, so I told her it was Preslee. She thought about this for a few seconds then asked, "Mama, did y'all eat us? Is that why we're in your bellies?" I literally busted out laughing and she looked at me with this really serious look on her face and said, "Mama, your lips are too small to eat me in your belly". I LOVE the sweet innocence of a child!

Jessalyn (7) loves telling jokes. I got her a children's joke book which she carries around and has read every joke to us numerous times. Tonight she made up a couple jokes and asked them to me:

Q - Mama, what did Douglas say to the town that was being really silly?
A - That is re-Douglias. Get it mama? like ridiculous, but reDouglias.

Another joke by Jessalyn:
Q - What did the shoe say to the sock?
A - Let's play football!

Now my silly child is saying that everything is re-Douglias... strange humans I am surrounded by ;)

Antelopes are tasty!

Jessalyn (7) went on a field trip with her 1st Grade class today to the Jacksonville Zoo. I took her to school early, then came home and Mattilyn (3) and I began to talk about the zoo. I told her that I want to take her one day soon and we will see all kinds of animals. Following is our conversation:

Me: You will see all kinds of animals. Do you know what kinds?
Mattilyn: Like doggies!
Me: Well, elephants and giraffes and hippos and rhinos and...
Mattilyn:: and puppies?
Me: Oh, and there is a train and you can see jaguars and hyenas and antelopes...
Mattilyn: Oh! Antelopes on the train? I love antelopes! We had antelopes at Mimi's hospital the other day and one fell on the floor and we threw it in the trash.

Back story: My mama (their Mimi) had knee replacement surgery last week and we went to visit her in the hospital. Our church sent mama a huge fruit basket with all sorts of fruits and cookies and crackers, etc... Mama had just finished her dinner and had some cantaloupe leftover in addition to the other fruit. Mattilyn had eaten a banana, grapes, and a plum before finishing off the cantaloupes. One piece of cantaloupe fell on the floor and we threw it in the trash. ;)

Moral of the story: When I take Mattilyn to the zoo and we get on the train, I better sneak some cantaloupes on because she expects "Antelopes" to eat on the train!!

A new year

So there were many wackos in the world that truly believed our world would end on December 21, 2012, since that is when the Mayan calendar ended. Had I never read the Bible, perhaps I would have jumped on the bandwagon. However, God told us that no man knows the hour of Jesus's return so I didn't put any faith in all the hype about the end of the world.
On the other hand, America is traveling at a high rate straight into the dirt. I am only 29 (30 in exactly one month), but I can't believe how much my world has changed in just my few years on this earth. Years ago I found it so very interesting to talk to older people that had "seen it all". They were around when automobiles were invented, they lived through the depression, they were appalled by Elvis (or impressed), they survived the hippie movement.... the list goes on. Well, now in 30 years I have seen prosperous times in our nation, I have seen terrifying times on 9/11/01, and I have seen devastating financial times. Now is the scariest time of all. Our country has nearly completely turned her back on God. We have become a politically correct nation that is afraid to offend anyone, anyone except Christians and Jews. Well, guess what - Jesus wasn't politically correct and neither am I. We are called to be different than the world.
So many Americans are afraid now to call a spade a spade. To quote another cliche, If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is probably a duck. This may offend some, but this is how I feel: the President that is in office right now does not have the best interest of America in mind. Our president is half white / half black and the majority of our country has made this a matter of race. Personally I don't care if he is purple with orange polka dots, he is wrong. Our country was in a mild recession several years ago. My hubby and I started really struggling with bills and things like many lower middle-class citizens did. Things are now much worse and we struggle more than we ever have before in our ten years of marriage. Again I must state that if not for my faith in God, I would feel like giving up. There have been times that I felt like giving up and I remind myself that God has everything under control. I remember that He knows how this will all end and even though we will go through some hard times, it will be worth it!
One major problem I have with the current president is his opinion on gun-control. I honestly don't understand how so many people in our country can be snowed into thinking that is a good idea. We have a right to bear arms and I intend to fight for my right. Obama wants to change the constitution and I am not okay with this. Does anyone out there truly believe that if no one could own a gun legally, all crime would stop? News flash: murder has existed since the beginning of time with Cain and Abel, the first brothers in history. Did Cain have a gun? No. Research history, people. Please. Other countries have tried this "disarm the public regime". Trust me, this NEVER turns out good for the public.
I'm not really sure why I blogged all of this tonight. It has just been on my mind for a while and I guess I just wanted to put it down on "paper". I pray that God will radically heal our nation, but sometimes I feel like we are living in Sodom and Gomorrah and God has left us to our own devices. Right now in America, it is legal to kill an unborn child, yet illegal to kill certain animals. Protect the whales and eagles, but kill the babies. Something is bad wrong with this.

Ello?

My little shadow goes to work with me while big sis is at school and daddy is at his work. I absolutely LOVE these days and I am so sad that I missed this time with Jessalyn when she was this age. At that time I working full time at the bank and going to school at night. I am so thankful that I am now able to spend much more time with both girls.
Today Mattilyn rode with me to grab lunch for everyone at the store and she had a play phone in the backseat. Here is the conversation that played out:
Mattilyn: Mama, my phone is ringing.
Me: Okay, baby
Mattilyn: Ello? (small pause) My going to get macaroni and cheese. (pause) 'Cause. My just want to. 'Cause. Bye.
After this "phone call" she had another one just like it. :) I love her 2 year old imagination!

Tonight the girls were in the tub and I could hear them playing and laughing. I then heard Jessalyn say, "Sissy, you're pretty. And you're rotten. You're pretty rotten". <3 These girls are just the coolest kids I've ever known. Yes, I am biased, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Short Story

So, there are many times and many days that one or both of my little loves will say something cute and note-worthy, but it might just be a one-liner or at least not enough to write a whole blog about. However, last night I was thinking about a couple cute things that were recently said and I thought that I better write these things down now or they will be lost forever! So, I am going to TRY to do better and write these things down, even if it is just one little story at a time.
Today is November 30th, 2012, and Jessalyn is 7 and Mattilyn is 2-3/4. They are by far the coolest kids on the planet and they say the cutest things. Mattilyn cracks us up daily :) Last week Jessalyn said that she was rubbing Mattilyn's belly and Mattilyn said, "Stop sissy, my not an instrument." Now, this is not enough in itself to take up a whole blog, but you gotta admit that is cute and note-worthy. I mean, where does she come up with this stuff?
A couple days ago Mattilyn was taking a nap at our store, Witness 4 Life, and when she woke up she was crying, which is unusual for her. I went to check on her and when I walked in I picked her up and asked why she was crying. She said, "Mama, you just upset me." I laughed and said What?! She repeated, "You just upset me. That's why my was crying."
I am sad when I think about all of the adorable things my ladybugs have said and done that I never wrote down so now I don't remember. I resolve to do better, beginning right now!

Is that poop in the tub? - be warned

I know it has been a while since I last posted something from the never dull house of Butler, but things have been cah-razy around here! March was a jam-packed month with two retreat weekends in a row, then a baby birthday weekend, then the release of The Hunger Games ;)
Nearly every day and/or night has been jam-packed with fun and craziness, but tonight was so much so that it warranted a nice blog post. Let me start by saying that I am beyond exhausted. I got home with my girls around 5:00, started supper, and refereed my two little UFC fighters-in-training, did dishes and laundry, then bathed my girls. They wanted to play in the tub after I finished bathing them so I left them to get towels out of the dryer for them. Now, the last time they were left to their own devices in the tub I returned to a soaked bathroom and a kid who threw up in the tub due to drinking bath water.
When I came back in with the towels the girls were playing with the water and Jessalyn (6) was pouring water on Mattilyn (2). I told her not to pour too much and choke her like last time. Trust me, my Jessalyn is no fan of anything related to vomit, pee, poop, snot, or any other body fluid from another human (who can blame her, right?) So, I came back to fold more laundry when I heard crying and Jessalyn saying, What happened? What happened? I don't know what happened! So I go in and Jessalyn is standing there looking all innocent and Mattilyn was crying about her nose. All I could figure is Jessalyn dumped water on Mattilyn resulting in water up the nose... Not important. What is important is that when I got Mattilyn out of the tub there was nothing but bubbles in the water. So I went to dress Mattilyn and left Jessalyn in the tub alone.
Jessalyn played for a while in the tub, then started yelling for me. She came in wrapped in her towel a few minutes later and said, "Mama, remember earlier when I told you my sister had a stinky diaper? Well I think it is in the tub." I told her that there was no way that was the case because I had changed her diaper then and because there was nothing in the tub when I got Mattilyn out. She insisted that I go look because there was poop in the tub. So I go into the bathroom and there in the tub and covering the toys in there was lots of brown "stuff". I asked Matt what he had used when he bleached the tub after the last throw up incident and told him about the situation at hand. I went back in the bathroom to assess the damage again and I thought that this "poop" looked eerily similar to chocolate. So then I did what any good mama would do. I swiped some up and smelled it. Guess what it was... Chocolate! Yay!!! Have YOU ever been excited about chocolate in your tub? I have. So, the question remains how the chocolate made it into the tub, but to be honest I am so thankful it wasn't poop that I don't care how the chocolate made it into the tub!

Our 8th Anniversary - Oct 5, 2010

So, by our 8th wedding anniversary Matt and I were the parents of an almost 5 year old and a 6 month old. We decided to go out to eat for anniversary but instead of getting a babysitter we took our girls out with us. I shared the following adventure with my facebook friends during the ordeal, but it is way too much fun to not share with everyone else now. I am going to copy and paste the original post below:

ok, so originally Matt and I had planned to go out just the two of us for a quiet anniversary date. Oh how boring that would have been! Let me share our adventures thus far:
We ate at this awesomely delicious restaurant in Jesup, Habaneros, with few cries or whines - all in all an enjoyable meal. Mattilyn made some questionable faces, however, so I knew a diaper change would come soon. We left the restaurant and headed to Dollar Tree to let Jessalyn shop around. When we got there Matt was going to go in Hibbett's while I sat in the backseat of the car and fed Mattilyn. As soon as I picked her up I was reminded of the faces she made earlier so I said to Jessalyn "Let mama change Mattilyn before I feed her" (continued but do not read more if you have a weak stomach)
I started to take Mattilyn's pants off and felt something on my finger. Immediately I knew I was in for a MESS so I gave Jessalyn the phone and said call your daddy and tell him I need his help. She was on her knees in her carseat watching me and I pulled Matti's pants off to discover her diaper had overflowed and her leg was covered. Jessalyn began gagging. I started yelling for her to open the door and get out! She gagged some more. Mattilyn tried her best to roll to her belly... I was wrestling a poop-covered baby while trying to convince a gagging child to get out of the car. Jessalyn threw up on herself in her carseat.... Mattilyn continued to roll... By this time I had snatched the phone from my gagging child with one hand while holding the legs up of a poopie child. I told Matt to get out here NOW and hung up. He took over on throw-up duty while I handled doodie duty.
After getting everything cleaned up (which was neither quick nor clean) I picked up my phone only to discover I had accidentally called ACA preschool and talked for 2 min 13 seconds. Apparently they will have an interesting message on their answering machine tomorrow!Oh I have been cracking up myself! I HAD to share this because I definitely see the humor of it all :) Now, by the way, Jessalyn is dressed in a pair of lizard pajamas her mimi gave her right before we left

Did you enjoy a few laughs at our expense? I certainly hope so! What is life about if we can't laugh at ourselves?! Life is an adventure - just hang on and enjoy the ride :)

To catch everyone up

So, to get this blog started I will do a little background info to catch those of you that aren't regular facebook followers up with the rest of the crew. I have two precious little girls that are my world. My older daughter, Jessalyn, has always been quiet and calm. She is shy around others, but mighty expressive once she warms up. She changed my life in October of 2005 and I can't imagine my life without her sweet little self.
My younger daughter, Mattilyn, came into my life in March 2010 and let me tell you - I will never be the same! She is our little fireball. My friend, just this week, called her my female version of Dennis the Menace, and I believe she hit the nail on the head. My baby girl is incredibly sweet, just like her big sister. They both have precious personalities and big hearts for such young girls.
I consider myself blessed beyond measure to be their mommy. This blog was started so I can have a place to record all of the hilarious things the girls do and say. So join me in my adventure!